oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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