I am puke
I'm jealous of your bromance
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
