I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
