Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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