and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
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I will be naked everywhere
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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