You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
