I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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