I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
