come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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