fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
