I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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