I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
