Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
They have beer where we have blood.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
