Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
