Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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