well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
my being single is dangerous.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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