What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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