Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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