I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
