I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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