ugly people sure do ruin things
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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