We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
