She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
