My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
