how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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