Kiss
Puke
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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