cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
