Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
