we're blogging at a bar
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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