That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
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he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
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I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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