is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you would pick up someone in the library
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
