i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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