So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
