i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
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