Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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