best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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