I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
