His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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