I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
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Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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