I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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