problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
