either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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