so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize