I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
