Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
