Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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