i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
