Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Found your dick twin last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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