hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
