oh god the rape fog is back!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
