You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
