Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
