Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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