I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
