You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
