Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
