I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
