i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
