I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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