Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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