If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
