This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
