i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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