I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
