Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I wish i was in the wii world.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
