i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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