Screwed.edu
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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