sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
