We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
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Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
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I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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